


I Dream of You in Colors that Don’t Exist

by Computer_Gremlin



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:56:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Computer_Gremlin/pseuds/Computer_Gremlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might have gone through Sherlock’s mind as he left the wedding reception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Dream of You in Colors that Don’t Exist

The night is brisk and the sky is clear, bestrewn with a million stars, but I cannot see its beauty for I am alone now, you belong to someone else.  What am I to do now that my anchor is gone and my boat is adrift in a sea of feelings?  Feelings you helped me discover, and now you are no longer here to help me learn how to navigate their meanings.  What am I to do?

You walked into my life and I trusted you from the very start.  I didn’t mean to, but you looked at me and I trusted you.  You became my friend, my teacher, my soul mate.  And there were things, so many things you gave to me without you knowing.  Or did you know?  You gave and gave and gave so much, and I never said the things I needed to, wanted to, or should have said.  I was so wrong.  Did you know? 

You were there for me, even when I didn’t want you there.  You would smile at me or scold me, or tell me I was wrong.  But always you cared for me, even when I pushed you away or ignored you, when I threaten you, tried to bribe you or insulted you, you were there.  You took it all in your stride.  How could I have been so naïve, how could I have been so blind?

I existed before you came into my life, and you taught me what it meant to live, how to live, and the way to live.  You showed me how to understand others, how they felt, how they saw the world, why they didn’t see things as I do.  You kept me grounded.  You kept me in line.  You kept me safe.  You kept me loved.  Now what am I to do, now that you are no longer here at my side?

Then I went and hurt you.  I didn’t think my actions would hurt you as much as they did.  I was only trying to protect you.  You taught me that.  That friends protect you.  Only I didn’t learn it correctly, did I?  I see that now.

You are no longer just you, you have a family now.  You must think of them first and not me.  Things will not be the same as before.  Things have changed.  I made them change without realizing what I was doing.  I was so wrong.

Now as the music recedes into the distance and I walk away from what was, towards what is, I know that it will never be the same.  I know in my heart, a heart that you help me find I had, that you are happy.  And I am happy for you, but sad for myself.  For I know things will never be what they once were, and that makes my world a little sadder.

You change my life, you changed my world, and you changed me.  I never realize how much you meant to me until you were gone.

John, I dream of you in colors that don’t exist, and I don’t know what to do

 


End file.
